(tl;dr) When you know for certain that you want to improve something, you find someone who knows a lot more than you do and submit to what they prescribe in order for you to get better. It’’s the same whether it’s fitness, career, finance, or even spiritual gains. There are plenty of folks telling you what is wrong with you and what your need to do to get better, and they will offer you their knowledge, experience and authority, often at a price, to help you get from where you are to where you what to be. There is a place for that.
A coach is different, though, in being someone who will draw out what is right about you, help you discover your strengths and values, and help you leverage those into the changes that you choose to make. A coach is your partner in accountability to yourself. You own the wins, not the coach, or shrink, or guru or whatever.
The Difference is Literally Life or Death
In my day job, I see over 100 medical charts each week. In the sidebar, there’s a red highlighted entry if the patient’s Body/Mass Index (BMI) is over 25. That means they are over-weight, and a BMI of 30 or more means they are obese. This is not a judgment or “fat-shaming,” it just means that scientifically, they are more prone to metabolic diseases like diabetes, high cholesterol or high blood-pressure and therefore more likely to get sick and die from heart disease, stroke and/or cancer. It’s just a fact. (You can check your own BMI and more here).
Everyone knows WHAT to do to avoid this fate, but why don’t they do those things? This is the question that brought me to coaching.
“You Can’t Make Me”
That’s right, you can’t make anyone do what they don’t want to do, even if not doing it will make them sick and dead. We humans have built-in resistance to complying with even the most fact-based and logical advice. As soon as any authority, even a doctor, tells us what to do, unless we are totally bought-in and it’s what we wanted anyway, we will not comply.
And it can kill us.
We are not all just suicidal masochists, are we? How would we even survive as a species if we just refused to do anything anyone tells us to do? It turns out that our need for freedom and autonomy, is the cause of, and solution to, all of our problems.
Why Can’t You Just Do What You’re Told?
The autonomy impulse we have is actually a good thing. We don’t easily submit to authority because, as you may have noticed, authorities (even doctors) don’t always have our best interests in mind. It comes with the territory. When someone seeks power, we all want to believe that they are doing it so they can help others more effectively. But the truth is, they often seek authority and power because it’s authority and power, not necessarily to help you or anyone else besides themselves.
We are not doomed. We can tap into other’s knowledge and experience, and keep our autonomy. A Health and Wellness Coach doesn’t tell you what to do or not do. A coach helps you find what you want to do, help you find the excitement within to do it, set goals and be your guardian angel to help you consistently make the choices that will lead you to your goals.
There Are Times to Have an Expert Trainer
As said before, it’s obvious that if you want to get better at anything, you should find someone who knows what they are talking about, and ask them to help. The Master/Apprentist theme is everywhere in our culture. When you get good at something, you proudly say, “I learned from the best.” You don’t say “I swallowed my ego and sucked it up so I could learn something.” Both are a little true.
There is no musician, no athlete, no artist, no entrepreneur, no nobody who didn’t get good by the grace of someone who came before them. There is no natural talent unless someone helped develop it, just like there is no fire without air, fuel and spark.
Sure, you could be self-taught. Spend infinite times researching, distinguishing good information from marketing garbage, taking classes, intensely studying people who are good at something and saying, “I’ll have what she’s having.” Or you could just ask someone to guide you. Someone who’s made mistaking and point out the traps that they are already fell into. It can really save you wasted time and effort.
Community Is Key
Besides the relationship between you and your Coach or Trainer, you should surround yourself people like yourself, having similar values and goals. In that community, there will be people better than you. Learn from them. There will people not as good as you. Learn from them. The only way our hairless, toothless, clawless soft human species survived is by banding together. Lone Wolves are more likely to get trapped. A pack has wisdom, so find yours.
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